RSS Feed

Wherever You Go, You’ll Find Yourself

A year from now you will wish you had started today.

~Karen Lamb

 

It has been quite a while since I’ve posted on the blog. Months in fact. After my birthday, I was in a bit of a funk, not an “Oh my Gosh, I’m 40” funk – I’m cool with the date on my driver’s license, but more of a “what am I doing?” funk. I was cleaning out a box, and found a journal from back in 2008. Not really that long ago – the Princess was a toddler, I had just started running, I was unhappy in my job, and trying to figure out how to make changes. But in flipping through the journal I found an entry. It was just one line “I am trying to find myself.” I actually threw the book across the room. I wondered how I could be on this loop again and how I’ve done the work and can’t believe that I’m trying to find myself still. But I sat with it for a bit, and I realized that the problem is not that I’m trying to find myself. I know who I am, and what my passions are. My problem is figuring out where I fit into this big puzzle of life. How do I share my gifts with the world? And are my gifts even worth sharing?

And then the fear started whispering in my ear, so I got stuck. Really stuck. Stuck is safe. Stuck is unchanging. Stuck is staying in the known. It’s also really boring, not fun, and definitely not a place to be for any length of time. So slowly I started to un-stuck myself. And things started to happen. I was digging through a box in the studio, and realized an amazing idea that had been sitting there all along. I’ll have the Etsy shop for that open in a few weeks (more to come on soon). I had a friend reach out with an amazing opportunity to work with her.  I am so excited about it I could bust. (a LOT more on that soon). I am planning, and moving forward, and taking baby steps towards my puzzle piece.

At times I have to remind myself, when I’m feeling unsure and the fear starts to whisper again, that I get to do all of this because I have gifts, and they are worth sharing. You have gifts that are worth sharing too. We all should share what we have today, because otherwise we become stuck, and a year from now we will wish we had started already.

Make a wish - the Universe is waiting for you.

If we can have a beach day in Western New York in the middle of October, anything you can imagine is possible.

 

Here’s to all of our gifts. The world is just waiting for us to share them.

xoxo

 

Advertisements

Live. Love. Sizzle.

“Here…in this here place, we flesh; flesh that weeps, laughs; flesh that dances on bare feet in grass. Love it. Love it hard.”
~Toni Morrison

Wow, forty is here, and so far it feels a little flat. A bit like after the build up and anticipation the surprise wasn’t a new puppy, but a new toothbrush. Don’t get me wrong, I like good oral hygiene as much as the next girl, but when you are really looking forward to that puppy, a toothbrush just doesn’t cut it. I completed my #coutdown39to40. It was a blast. I know that the past week and a half I didn’t blog about it at all, but I continued to do it. And not blogging was actually part of it. Two weekends ago was all about the mother/daughter bonding. I spent that Saturday with the Princess – having lunch and just talking about whatever crossed her seven-year old mind. I continue to be amazed at the things small children think about and have questions about, and I do everything I can to foster that quest for knowledge. (Plus a good lunch and snuggle time is a bonus. ) That Sunday I spent mother/daughter bonding at the other end of the spectrum, with my Mom. We went to lunch and then to a concert. I know Brahms might not be most people’s cup of tea, but the performance was amazing and the cello player was gorgeous – and they were here all the way from Australia – what’ not to enjoy there?

The rest of the week was all about listening, and that’s the reason I wasn’t blogging. My body was telling me “more moving time, less screen time”. Since I sit in front of a computer for nine hours a day for work, I cut the rest of it out in my down time. And it was wonderful. I also continued to celebrate myself is large and small ways. New face oils and cleansers, a “spa night” complete with homemade hand scrubs and pedicures, a new book, a quiet moment. I made sure to continue with my celebration. this past weekend my husband and I took the Pumpkin and the Princess to Toronto for the weekend. We surprised them, and almost got away with it until the Pumpkin realized we were headed to Canada and guessed it immediately. The entire weekend was very ow key and not rushed at all. We hung out and ate touristy foods and did touristy things – 58 flights of stairs on Saturday!!! Yesterday was very low-key and after the drive home we had a small celebration with family. Small and low-key is really more my style, although part of me does wish I got the big surprise party. All in all it was a perfect day though.

I learned a lot from my birthday countdown. More than I thought I would when I started out.

I learned that most of the time, when I want something it’s not necessarily the thing, but the idea and the feelings that go with the thing that I am craving (except the cowboy boots – that was totally about the boots).

I learned that I really have to work at listening to what my body is telling me, and that I have to actually do it.

I learned that sometimes it’s not a good thing to push myself.

I learned that sometimes, not having a schedule and an agenda is a good thing.

Sand and storms and the winds of change.

Sand and storms and the winds of change.

This afternoon I took a scraper and removed the 13.1 sticker from the back window of my car. For those of you not familiar, 13.1 is the distance of a half-marathon. Something I was lucky enough to do three times. When I quit running I was training for a full marathon. I was not able to fulfill that dream. I am no longer a runner, and my body won’t ever let me be a runner again. I cannot run a 5K let alone a half-marathon again. And it is not for lack of willpower or trying. It is time for me to let that part of me go. In its place, I put an Outer Banks sticker on my car. There are 11 people who know that  Outer Banks me, and I really like that me. She and I are going to take 40 out for a spin and live it fiercely.

 

Walking The Walk – For Me And The Dog

“If you have a candle, the light won’t glow any dimmer if I light yours off of mine.”
~Steven Tyler

I love to give, truly I do. There’s something about sharing what you have with others, that brings the joy back to you. I picked a winner for the Making Space Cleanse starting on the 21st. Stacy, you are in, love. I’ll reach out to you to work out the details.

Today was all about walking and work. I decided to work from home today, which affords me an extra hour and a half a day. It’s all the commute. Someday I will have a transporter that will get me from point A to point B, in the meantime, the occasional work from home day will have to do. I was super productive, and I had the added benefit of being able to take the dog for two long walks today. We walked the kids to school this morning. Nothing is better or more life affirming tan a bunch of kids loving a dog. Plato the wonder mutt adores taking the kids to school. He enjoys all of the extra snuggles he gets while we are there, and the bonus for me is that he takes a 2 hour nap when we get home.

I was also able to take him for a walk at lunchtime. He tried to get me to go over to the school, but we can’t really go walking around the campus during school hours so I dragged him back home. It is all worth it – he is laying out on the couch sound asleep now.

Plato the wonder mutt, our beagle coon hound mix sound asleep after a long day of walks and protecting our house from those darn people who walk on his sidewalk.

Plato the wonder mutt, our beagle coon hound mix sound asleep after a long day of walks and protecting our house from all of those darn people who walk on his sidewalk.

So I wish you all sweet dreams, and I hope you have a fabulous weekend. My kids are on spring break next week. Who knows what opportunities that will bring our way.

Keep celebrating you. you are SO worth it.

This Party Might Be For Me, But That Doesn’t Mean I Get All Of The Gifts

“I know what I have given you… I do not know what you have received.”
~Antonio Porchia

I do love to give gifts. It’s not only the gift, but the packaging – the tissue paper, the box, the bag or wrapping paper. Even the gift tag or card is selected with the receiver in mind. Of course, most people do not realize that I’ve been almost more careful when wrapping the gift than with the gift itself, but that’s okay. The pleasure in giving is all mine.

I also believe that to receive we have to give. We need to give of ourselves, of our abilities, and even down to the items that we own but no longer use. We all tend to consume, consume, consume, but really do we need so much stuff? I try to take at least one bag a month to the Goodwill drop-off. Usually it is clothes the kids have outgrown, or a kitchen gadget I haven’t used in years, but there is always something to simplify. and we deprive someone else of finding that perfect thing they need, because we are so preoccupied with consuming and not releasing.

cards

Today, I decided that I am going to do something really fun, since I love giving gifts, and I love to release goodness out into the world. The awe inspiring Hannah Marcotti is sharing a new offering that is starting on April 21st – the day AFTER my birthday. I love her offerings. She is a fiercely gentle soul whose work is like a balm. She has also become a friend. This one is a good one. The Making Space Cleanse. And I want to share it with someone. I want to give someone a gift. The potential for space, and joy, and goodness. So go ahead and check it out HERE, and come back and let me know if you’d like to join me and a lot of other amazing women all making space together. You can leave a comment on the blog – or if you can track me down, shoot me an email or let me know on Facebook. Tomorrow night I will let the Universe guide me and I will pick one of you gorgeous women to join us.

I am so very excited, and can’t wait to see whose name comes out of the hat. We are all worth celebrating, and I today I want to celebrate you. What are you doing to celebrate you today?

Even The Universe Will Celebrate Your Birthday If You Let It

“Change brings opportunity.”

~ Nibo Qubein

A couple of weeks ago I was having lunch with a friend of mine, and made a comment about how I am always a ‘glass half full’ kind of person. She stopped, looked at me, smiled, and said,” You are? I wouldn’t really have thought that about you.” It made me pause for a minute when she said it. I had to really think about it, but she knows me from a time and place in my life where I was not able to be the ‘glass half full’ person that I really am, so to her, the fact that I think of myself that way is unimaginable. But that is okay. We cannot control how others view us. We can only show them who we are, and hope that their interpretation of us is at least close to how we see ourselves.

But I really am a “glass half full” kind of person. I look for the good in things. I try to be compassionate and view events from other points of view. And I know that this part of me does come across to other people. I have a client who is transitioning to a new vendor. It’s okay – for various reasons people move on – either our offerings don’t align with their needs, or the life-cycle has run its course, or someone at the executive level has a friend they want to give the business to. When these things happen, I don’t take them personally, I just try to make the transition as smooth and painless as possible. I met with this client on Monday, for a preliminary discussion, and at the end of the call he said,  “I just want to say thank you and I will miss working with you. It is very apparent that you care and want to make sure we are taken care of, and I really appreciate it. It is rare.” (I’m paraphrasing a bit, but that’s the gist of it). While I am sad to see the client go – I enjoyed working with him – I am glad that he feels cared for. And I’m glad he was able to see “me”.

And this is the best we can do. We can show compassion, and care for people, and hope that they can recognize it and accept it. And sometimes when we do that, we get a little good in return.

This morning as I was driving to work, I was trying to think of what I would do for myself today. I don’t actually plan it out ahead of time, although I wish I had, because some mornings I just can’t think of anything. I was listening to the radio (I listen to the local classical station) and the DJ was talking about a concert coming up this weekend. It sounded pretty good so I thought perhaps when I get to work I can look it up and see how much tickets are. Well, at that moment she said she was going to give away a pair of tickets to the sixth caller. So, since I have the number of the radio station programmed into my phone, and my phone is so smart it can make calls without me touching it, I called and was caller number six!!!!

While the tickets aren’t really a gift for myself from me, I’m counting them anyways as a gift from the Universe. You don’t say no when given a gift – especially if it is one you were just thinking about.

What gifts are you allowing yourself to be open to receiving today? The entire universe is willing to celebrate you, if you let it. And if you have pictures, don’t forget to share them on Instagram at #coutdown39to40.

Transformation Isn’t Always So Dramatic

“Change happens not by hatred but by love. Change happens when you understand what you want to change so deeply that there is no reason to do anything but act in your own best interest.”

~Geneen Roth, Women Food and God

I’ve taken a few days off – not from my birthday celebration #countdown39to40 – but from the blog because, I’ll be honest, typing one handed sucks. And I overdid it the first day or two after my surgery. I thought I had suddenly become a super-healer, so I worked on Friday and typed all day. And then on Saturday I decided that I didn’t need my pain medication. Fortunately, by Saturday night I realized that I was being a bit silly, and I wasn’t listening to my body, but instead listening to what I wanted my body to tell me. So I took a break. I let the kids and my husband clean the house. I sat and watched while my brother did the plumbing work in our upstairs bathroom project. I took the time to check in with my body, and listen to what it needed.

The past couple of days I’ve been watching, and reading, and listening. I think I’ve watched/listened to the movie Dancing in the Flames at least 4 or 5 times in the past week. I cannot get enough of it. And every time, I get something new from it.

I’ve been  reading – right now Women Food and God. And while I may or may not have food issues, it speaks so clearly to a level of change within, of listening to your true voice instead of the demons in your head that tell you just how much you are lacking.

So I’ve been listening and learning. I’ve been gentle with myself. I’ve listened to my true voice. I eat when I am hungry. I sleep when I am tired, and maybe I’m still pushing a little too hard with the wrist, but I’m typing one handed (and it still sucks).

So this weekend,  I partied with friends, I spent time with family, I took time for myself to catch up on some reading, and I went to bed early. All in the name of self-care. All to celebrate me.

What are you doing for yourself today? How are you celebrating? You are worth the special moments – big and small – and you are worth the celebration.

Radical Self-Care Is On The Menu

“Trusting yourself is trusting the  wisdom that created you.”
~Dr.Wayne Dyer

I have been at odds with my body for decades. It’s not an “I’m too whatever.”, or “I don’t like my (fill in the blank).” It’s something a bit different and disconnected. I have felt, in a word, betrayed. From the Celiac that took 15 years to diagnose, and everything that came from that to the hip surgery that failed. I am not complaining, but more looking at myself with a critical eye. And I had an epiphany earlier this week.

I know how I got to this point, although I was blind to the journey. It started when I was much younger, with “mystery ailments” that doctor’s told me were in my head. (Which eventually turned out to be the Celiac.) A gallbladder that stopped working properly, so was removed. My hip – that started acting up when I finally found the sport I love. I had surgery to repair it, but ended up being one of the 5%, and can no longer run.  This very abbreviated version of the back story brings me to this week. And my epiphany.

How could I expect my body to heal, if I did not show it love? and how could I show my body love, if I am so disconnected and so distrustful of it, that I can’t even hear what it is trying to tell me?

Time of great change call for radical actions.

Time of great change call for radical actions.

On Monday I called to check in my the hand surgeon. I have had a wrist issue on and off for the better part of 12 years. He had an appointment available on Tuesday. We have tried almost every option to try to treat my wrist. It turns out that I had a ganglion cyst in the joins of my wrist. Causing increasing amounts of pain, and decreasing ability to do things. Our last resort was surgery. It was time. My body had been telling me for two years to make this pain stop. It was time to make it stop. I jokingly asked if they had an opening this week. They did. It was an affirmation that I was making the right choice.

This morning I checked in at 7:45 to the ambulatory surgical center. Two hours later I was in surgery. Since I am allergic to the local anesthetics, they didn’t give me a block and sedative. I got the general anesthesia. It took a bit longer to come out of, and I had to stay bit so that they could manage the pain and the nausea when I woke up. And for the next two weeks I wear a big bandage and type one handed, and I start to heal.

There is no rebirth and growth in the spring without the death in the fall. I have spent many years of my life with my body in an eternal fall. It is now time for spring. this is my gift to myself on this day.